The Authority of Example: Leading Without Position
By Derek Neighbors on June 16, 2025
I watched her walk into the room, and something shifted.
She wasn’t the CEO. She wasn’t the department head. Hell, she wasn’t even a manager. But when she spoke, people listened. When she suggested a direction, teams followed. When problems arose, they brought them to her first, not to the person with the corner office.
She had something that can’t be bought, appointed, or inherited: the authority of example.
This is the paradox that destroys most leadership thinking: The people with the most influence often have the least formal power. The ones who command genuine respect rarely demand it. And those who lead most effectively frequently do so without anyone officially asking them to.
We’ve been thinking about leadership all wrong.
The Authority Paradox
Here’s what they don’t teach you in business school: Authority and position are not the same thing.
Position is what the organization chart says you have. Authority is what people actually give you. Position can be granted in a meeting. Authority must be earned through countless small moments when no one important is watching.
The confusion between these two concepts has created an epidemic of positional leaders who wonder why their teams don’t follow them and authentic leaders who don’t realize the influence they already wield.
Think about the most influential person in your current workplace. I’ll bet you money they’re not the person at the top of the org chart. They’re the person others go to for advice. The one whose opinion carries weight in meetings. The one who somehow makes things happen without having to pull rank or threaten consequences.
That’s not an accident. That’s arete, excellence of character, in action.
The Greeks understood something we’ve forgotten: True authority flows from who you are, not what your business card says. They called this kind of leadership phronesis, practical wisdom combined with moral character. It’s the difference between someone who has power and someone who deserves it.
But here’s where it gets interesting: The people who possess this authentic authority often don’t seek it. They’re too busy doing the work, serving others, and living their values to worry about climbing ladders or collecting titles. Meanwhile, those who chase authority the hardest often find it slipping through their fingers like water.
This creates the central paradox of leadership: Those who seek authority often lack it; those who embody it often don’t seek it.
The Character Foundation
Let me tell you what real authority looks like in practice.
It’s the senior developer who stays late to help a junior teammate debug their code, not because they have to, but because they remember what it felt like to be stuck. It’s the project manager who takes responsibility when something goes wrong, even when it wasn’t their fault. It’s the consultant who tells a client the hard truth they need to hear, knowing it might cost them the contract.
Character-based authority is built on three pillars: integrity, courage, and wisdom.
Integrity is the foundation, the alignment between your values, words, and actions. People can sense authenticity from a mile away, and they can smell bullshit even faster. You can’t fake integrity long-term. It shows up in how you handle the small stuff when no one’s watching: Do you keep your commitments? Do you tell the truth even when it’s inconvenient? Do you treat the janitor with the same respect you show the CEO?
Courage is what makes integrity actionable. It’s easy to have values when they don’t cost you anything. Real leadership happens when doing the right thing requires sacrifice. It’s speaking up in meetings when everyone else is silent. It’s making the unpopular decision that serves the long-term good. It’s having the difficult conversation that everyone else is avoiding.
Wisdom is what makes courage effective. It’s not enough to be brave and honest if you’re also stupid. Wisdom is knowing when to push and when to yield, when to speak and when to listen, when to lead from the front and when to lead from behind. It’s phronesis, practical wisdom that comes from experience, reflection, and genuine care for others’ wellbeing.
Here’s what’s fascinating: People don’t follow perfection; they follow authenticity. They don’t need you to have all the answers; they need you to be honest about what you don’t know. They don’t need you to be flawless; they need you to own your mistakes and learn from them.
The leaders who try to project an image of perfection create distance. The ones who show their humanity while maintaining their standards create connection. And connection is the foundation of all real influence.
This is why character-based leadership scales better than positional leadership. Position only works within the formal hierarchy. Character works everywhere, up, down, and across organizational lines. It works with customers, vendors, and partners. It works in your family, your community, and your industry.
Character is portable authority.
The Influence Reality
Let’s get practical about how this actually works.
Real influence operates on a completely different frequency than positional power. Power says, “Do this because I said so.” Authority says, “Do this because it’s the right thing to do, and here’s why.”
Power creates compliance. Authority creates commitment.
Power works through fear. Authority works through respect.
Power diminishes when you’re not in the room. Authority grows stronger in your absence.
The difference between power and authority is the difference between being obeyed and being followed.
I’ve seen VPs whose teams do the bare minimum when they’re around and slack off the moment they leave. I’ve also seen individual contributors whose influence extends far beyond their job description because people trust their judgment and respect their character.
The secret is consistency. Authority is built through the accumulation of small, consistent actions that demonstrate your values. It’s showing up prepared for every meeting. It’s following through on every commitment, no matter how small. It’s treating every person with dignity, regardless of their position in the hierarchy.
People are always watching, even when you think they’re not. They’re watching how you handle stress. They’re watching how you treat people who can’t help you. They’re watching whether your actions match your words when the pressure is on.
This is why authentic leaders can lead up, down, and across without formal authority. Their influence isn’t constrained by organizational boundaries because it’s based on something deeper than structure, it’s based on trust.
Trust is the currency of real leadership. And trust is earned through consistency between character and conduct over time.
Here’s a practical example: I know a software architect who has never managed anyone, but when she suggests a technical direction, entire engineering teams pivot. Why? Because over years of working together, she’s demonstrated that her recommendations are always in service of the product and the team, never her own ego. She’s been right more often than wrong, and when she’s been wrong, she’s owned it quickly and learned from it.
That’s authority in action. No title required.
The Service Dimension
Here’s where most leadership thinking goes completely off the rails: Real leadership isn’t about advancing yourself; it’s about advancing others.
The most powerful leaders I know have one thing in common, they’re obsessed with other people’s success. Not in a fake, manipulative way, but in a genuine, “I want to see you become the best version of yourself” way.
This is what the Greeks called eudaimonia, human flourishing. True leaders create conditions where others can flourish. They don’t hoard opportunities; they create them. They don’t protect their knowledge; they share it. They don’t build their success on others’ failures; they build it on others’ growth.
Servant leadership isn’t about being weak or passive. It’s about being strong enough to put others first.
Think about the best boss you’ve ever had. I guarantee they weren’t the one who micromanaged every detail or took credit for your work. They were the one who gave you challenging assignments, supported you when you struggled, and celebrated your victories as if they were their own.
That’s the multiplier effect of authentic leadership. When you invest in others’ success, they don’t just perform better—they become leaders themselves. And leaders who create other leaders build something that outlasts their own tenure.
But here’s the crucial distinction: Service doesn’t mean being a pushover. Real servant leaders maintain high standards precisely because they care about others’ growth. They give difficult feedback because they want people to improve. They make tough decisions because they’re thinking about the long-term good of the team.
The weak version of servant leadership tries to make everyone happy. The strong version tries to make everyone better.
I’ve watched leaders transform entire organizations not through reorganizations or new policies, but by consistently demonstrating that they cared more about their people’s development than their own advancement. When people believe you’re genuinely invested in their success, they’ll follow you through walls.
The paradox of servant leadership: The more you focus on others’ success, the more successful you become.
Developing Leadership Being
So how do you develop this kind of character-based authority? How do you become the kind of person others naturally want to follow?
First, understand that leadership development is character development. You can’t separate the leader from the person. The skills and techniques matter, but they’re built on the foundation of who you are when no one’s looking.
Start with radical self-awareness. Most people have blind spots the size of aircraft carriers when it comes to their own behavior. You need feedback systems that tell you the truth about your impact on others. This means asking for honest input from people who work with you, and more importantly, creating an environment where they feel safe giving it.
Ask questions like: “What’s one thing I could do differently to be more effective?” “When have you seen me at my best, and what was I doing?” “What’s something I do that undermines my own effectiveness?”
And then, this is crucia, actually listen to the answers without getting defensive.
Second, build systems for continuous growth. Character isn’t developed through good intentions; it’s developed through consistent practice. This means creating daily habits that reinforce the kind of leader you want to become.
Maybe it’s starting every meeting by asking how you can help others succeed. Maybe it’s ending every day by reflecting on whether your actions matched your values. Maybe it’s committing to have one difficult conversation per week that you’ve been avoiding.
Third, practice leadership in everyday situations. You don’t need a title to start leading. You can practice authentic leadership in every interaction, with your teammates, your family, your community. Every conversation is an opportunity to demonstrate integrity, courage, and wisdom.
The person who leads effectively in small situations will be ready when bigger opportunities arise. The person who waits for the title will never develop the character to deserve it.
Finally, find accountability partners who will challenge you to grow. Surround yourself with people who care enough about your development to tell you hard truths. The best leaders I know have trusted advisors who aren’t afraid to call them out when they’re falling short of their own standards.
Leadership development is not a destination; it’s a daily practice.
The Leader’s Journey
Here’s what I want you to understand: You already have more influence than you realize.
Every day, in countless small ways, you’re either building or eroding your authority. Every interaction is either increasing or decreasing the trust others place in you. Every decision is either demonstrating or undermining your character.
The question isn’t whether you’re a leader. The question is what kind of leader you’re becoming.
Real leadership isn’t about the position you hold; it’s about the person you’re becoming in pursuit of excellence.
This is the first principle of what I call “Leadership Through Being”, the understanding that authentic influence flows from character, not title. It’s about becoming the kind of person others want to follow, not because they have to, but because they choose to.
The Greeks had a word for this kind of excellence: arete. It’s not just being good at what you do; it’s being good at being human. It’s the integration of skill and character, competence and integrity, strength and service.
The authority of example is available to everyone, regardless of position or title. It’s built through the daily choice to act with integrity, speak with courage, and serve others’ growth. It’s earned through consistency between your values and your actions, especially when no one important is watching.
The world doesn’t need more people with leadership titles. It needs more people with leadership character.
The question is: What kind of authority are you building?
Final Thought
Tomorrow, someone will watch how you handle a difficult situation when you think no one important is looking. They’ll decide whether you’re worth following based not on your title, but on your character. The authority you build in that moment, when the stakes feel small, will determine whether you’re ready when the stakes get big.
This is the first post in the “Leadership Through Being” series, exploring how authentic influence flows from character rather than position. Next week, we’ll dive into “Phronesis: The Lost Art of Practical Wisdom” and how ancient Greek concepts can transform your decision-making.
