The Resistance Diagnostic: Is This Teaching Me or Am I Just Running Away?
By Derek Neighbors on July 8, 2025
Authentic Optimization vs. Sophisticated Avoidance
Distinguishing genuine self-optimization from elaborate avoidance strategies
I spent years telling myself I was “learning from resistance” while systematically avoiding the one thing that would actually transform my situation.
Every time I felt the familiar tightness in my chest when thinking about a difficult conversation, I’d rationalize it as “timing isn’t right” or “I need to process this more.” When a creative project felt overwhelming, I’d convince myself I was “honoring my natural rhythms” by waiting for inspiration.
The moment I realized what I was doing came during a conversation with a mentor. He asked me a simple question: “What would happen if you just had that conversation tomorrow?”
My response was immediate and telling: “Well, I need to think about the right approach, consider the timing, maybe do some research on conflict resolution strategies, and…”
He stopped me mid-sentence. “You’ve been saying that for six months. You’re not preparing for the conversation. You’re preparing to avoid it.”
The silence that followed was devastating. I had become a master at using sophisticated reasoning to transform avoidance into wisdom, and I’d been completely blind to it.
This is the resistance diagnostic problem: How do you tell when resistance is teaching you versus when you’re using your intelligence to avoid what needs to be done?
The answer isn’t simple, but it’s crucial. Because there’s a profound difference between learning from difficulty and learning to avoid it more elegantly.
The Two Faces of Resistance
The Greeks understood that resistance (antistasis) could be either teacher or tempter. The Stoics taught that obstacles could strengthen us, but they also warned against using philosophy as an escape from action.
There are two fundamental types of resistance:
Teaching Resistance: The friction that develops your capacity Avoidance Resistance: The friction that protects your comfort
The problem is they feel identical in the moment. Both create discomfort. Both demand attention. Both can be rationalized as “important information.”
But only one leads to growth.
The Resistance Diagnostic Framework
After years of confusing these two types of resistance, I developed a diagnostic framework. Five questions that cut through sophisticated rationalization to reveal what’s actually happening:
1. Feel the Pull
Question: Is this resistance pointing toward or away from who I’m becoming?
Teaching Resistance creates discomfort because you’re stretching beyond your current capacity. The resistance is proportional to the growth required.
Avoidance Resistance creates discomfort because you’re being asked to do something that threatens your identity or comfort zone. The resistance is proportional to the threat to your current self.
Application: That difficult conversation you’re avoiding? If it’s about setting boundaries that align with your values, the resistance is teaching you courage. If it’s about avoiding accountability for your actions, the resistance is protecting your ego.
2. Capacity Check
Question: Will engaging with this resistance develop a capacity I need?
Teaching Resistance develops specific capabilities: courage, discipline, skill, wisdom, strength. You can name what you’re building.
Avoidance Resistance develops sophisticated justification skills. You get better at explaining why you shouldn’t have to do difficult things.
Application: The resistance to starting that creative project? If it’s developing your ability to create despite uncertainty, it’s teaching. If it’s developing your ability to rationalize why conditions aren’t perfect, it’s avoidance.
3. The Simplicity Test
Question: What would I do if I couldn’t think my way out of this?
Teaching Resistance dissolves when you remove the option of sophisticated analysis. The right action becomes clear when you can’t overthink it.
Avoidance Resistance increases when you remove thinking options. More analysis feels necessary because the real issue is that you don’t want to do what you know you need to do.
Application: If someone asked you to make the decision in 10 seconds, what would you choose? That’s usually what teaching resistance is pointing toward.
4. Feel the Fire
Question: Does engaging with this resistance energize or drain me?
Teaching Resistance is energizing once you engage. The difficulty is in the approach, not the action. You feel alive, challenged, stretched.
Avoidance Resistance is draining even when you engage. The difficulty is in the action itself because you’re fighting against your authentic path.
Application: Notice your energy after you’ve pushed through resistance. If you feel stronger, more capable, more aligned, it was teaching. If you feel depleted, resentful, or disconnected, it was avoidance.
5. The Time Horizon Test
Question: Will I be proud of how I handled this in five years?
Teaching Resistance creates pride in retrospect. You’re glad you did the difficult thing because it developed your character.
Avoidance Resistance creates regret in retrospect. You wish you had acted differently because you know you were protecting comfort over growth.
Application: Future you is the best judge of current resistance. What would the person you’re becoming think about your response to this difficulty?
The Ancient Wisdom of Andreia
The Greeks had a word for the courage to face resistance appropriately: andreia. It wasn’t just bravery, it was the wisdom to know when to engage difficulty and when to avoid it.
Andreia requires three elements:
Recognition: Seeing resistance clearly, without the distortion of fear or ego Discernment: Distinguishing between teaching and avoidance resistance Action: Engaging appropriately with what you’ve discovered
This isn’t about pushing through all resistance. It’s about engaging with resistance that serves your growth while avoiding resistance that serves your comfort.
The Sophisticated Avoidance Trap
Intelligent people are particularly susceptible to sophisticated avoidance because they can create compelling reasons for any choice. They can rationalize avoidance as:
- “Listening to my intuition”
- “Honoring my natural rhythms”
- “Waiting for the right timing”
- “Processing the complexity”
- “Gathering more information”
- “Respecting my boundaries”
All of these can be legitimate. But they can also be elaborate ways of avoiding what we know we need to do.
The diagnostic framework cuts through this sophistication by focusing on outcomes rather than explanations. It asks not “What’s your reason?” but “What’s the result?”
The Integration Challenge
The goal isn’t to eliminate resistance, it’s to develop the wisdom to read it correctly. This requires what the Greeks called phronesis (practical wisdom): the ability to choose the right action in the specific situation.
This means:
Embracing Teaching Resistance: Leaning into difficulty that develops your capacity Avoiding Avoidance Resistance: Refusing to engage with resistance that protects your comfort Developing Discernment: Building the skill to tell the difference
The Courage to Be Uncomfortable
The ultimate test of the resistance diagnostic is this: Are you willing to be uncomfortable for the right reasons?
Teaching resistance is uncomfortable because growth requires stretching beyond your current capacity. This discomfort is the price of becoming who you’re meant to be.
Avoidance resistance is uncomfortable because you’re being asked to abandon the identity and comfort that keep you small. This discomfort is the price of staying who you’ve always been.
The Greeks understood that andreia isn’t the absence of fear, it’s the wisdom to fear the right things. Fear stagnation more than growth. Fear comfort more than challenge. Fear who you’ll become if you don’t engage with teaching resistance.
The Metanoia Moment
The Greeks had another word: metanoia. It means a fundamental change of mind, a transformation of perspective so complete that old patterns of thinking become impossible.
The resistance diagnostic can create a metanoia moment: the recognition that you’ve been using your intelligence against yourself, creating elaborate justifications for avoiding the very experiences that would transform you.
This isn’t about self-criticism. It’s about self-liberation. When you can distinguish between teaching and avoidance resistance, you reclaim the power to choose growth over comfort, transformation over stagnation, becoming over being.
The Daily Practice
The resistance diagnostic isn’t a one-time assessment, it’s a daily practice. Every time you feel resistance, you have an opportunity to develop this discernment.
Ask the five questions:
- Feel the Pull: Is this pointing toward or away from who I’m becoming?
- Capacity Check: Will this develop a capacity I need?
- The Simplicity Test: What would I do if I couldn’t think my way out?
- Feel the Fire: Does engaging energize or drain me?
- The Time Horizon Test: Will I be proud of this choice in five years?
Then act on what you discover. Not perfectly, but consistently. Not without fear, but with courage.
This week’s challenge: Choose one area where you’ve been experiencing resistance. Run it through all five questions. Then commit to one specific action within 24 hours based on what you discover. No more analysis. No more preparation. Just action.
Final Thoughts
The resistance diagnostic reveals an uncomfortable truth: Most of the resistance we experience is teaching us something we need to learn. The question is whether we’re willing to be students or whether we’ll use our intelligence to avoid the lesson.
The Greeks understood that andreia isn’t just courage, it’s the wisdom to engage with difficulty in service of excellence. It’s the recognition that resistance, properly understood, is not the enemy of transformation but its most reliable teacher.
Your resistance is trying to tell you something. The question is: Are you listening to learn, or are you listening to avoid?
The choice, as always, is yours. But choose wisely, your growth depends on it.
Ready to go deeper? If you’re serious about developing this kind of discernment and want accountability for acting on what you discover, MasteryLab.co provides the community and frameworks for sustained transformation. Because resistance is best faced with others who understand the journey.
